


Lock Me In Your Pocket

by torakowalski



Category: Blood-Smoke Series - Tanya Huff, Smoke Series - Tanya Huff
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 04:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13046904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torakowalski/pseuds/torakowalski
Summary: Getting together was easy, telling people is harder.





	Lock Me In Your Pocket

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tom_bedlam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tom_bedlam/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, tom_bedlam! I hope you have a great one.

“... and one more question, Lee: how’s your love life, these days?”

A few people giggled in the audience, but largely the atmosphere in the studio turned anticipatory.

Lee Nicholas didn’t let himself wince, but it was very tempting.

“Hey, Melissa,” he said, flashing her a wide smile. “Are you asking me out?”

She smiled in return, but there as a steely look in her eyes that said he wasn’t getting away with a deflection like that.

Lee ducked his head and laughed. “It’s going _fine_ , thank you,” he said adding enough of a spin to _fine_ to imply something nonspecifically dirty.

That earned him more laughter and Lee was just starting to relax when Lainey asked, “But no one special?”

“I’m not really looking,” Lee said automatically, not stopping to think. “I’m only twenty-five; I’m still having fun.”

The women around the table gave him smiles that ranged from benign to doubtful, but they thanked him for coming and then it was over. He had survived his first TV interview. He hadn’t made a fool of himself or forgotten how words worked or accidentally outed himself.

“Relieved?” asked Cynthia.

“Yeah,” Lee said “Thanks for taking it easy on me.”

Melissa stood up and rolled out her shoulders. Lee might be done, but the show still had another twenty minutes on air.

“Sorry for springing the romance question on you,” she said.

“That’s okay,” Lee said, leaning back so that a PA could unhook his mic. “It’s all anyone ever wants to know about, really.”

Marci patted his arm. “Maybe if you gave a bit more away, we’d be satisfied,” she said.

Lee forced himself to laugh. “If there’s ever anything to know, I promise I’ll give you ladies an exclusive.”

***

When Lee got back to work, he was met by Amy, who gave him a very dubious look through the veil of her sparkly blue eyelashes.

“Hi,” Lee said, waving to her. “Hi? I had permission to be late, I promise. Why are you glaring at me?”

They’d gotten to be friends lately, what with saving the world together a few times and both being close to Tony. Today, she was looking distinctly unfriendly.

“I know,” was all she said, followed by, “Great interview. We all watched it.”

“Thanks?” Lee said, confused. She definitely didn’t _sound_ as though it had been great, but his mom had texted him straight after to enthuse about it, so Lee was pretty sure he hadn’t made a mess of it.

Amy smiled at him, letting him see her very straight white teeth. He felt a little as though it was a threat. “Through you go,” she said pleasantly. “Chop chop. Can’t keep everyone waiting for you.”

Still very confused but definitely not wanting to annoy Amy any more than he apparently had, Lee slipped through the door to the sound stage.

***

Lee went home with Tony after work and they had sex, because of course they had sex; they hadn’t yet been able to stand within three metres of each other and not immediately fuck.

But after that, Tony seemed weirdly, quietly withdrawn.

“Hey,” Lee said, nudging his elbow against Tony’s. “Okay?”

They were lying side by side on the bed, sweat slowly cooling off their bodies. Usually, as soon as they stopped being actively damp, Tony would flop over onto Lee’s chest and silently wait to be hugged.

Tony, it turned out, was incredibly slutty for any kind of physical affection, which was the kind of knowledge that Lee enjoyed having.

“Yeah,” Tony said, reaching sideways to pat Lee’s shoulder. “You were great, totally fab, don’t fish for complements.”

Lee rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his hand. “That’s not what I was doing!” he said. For once, it hadn’t been, although he really did like it when Tony told him their sex was good. Learning a whole new way of making love at twenty-five was a bit more intimidating than Lee had expected.

Tony turned his head toward Lee and raised his eyebrow. There was a smirk in the corner of his mouth and it occurred to Lee that maybe he was just imagining problems where there weren’t any.

Why did it always have to fall to Tony to initiate the post-sex contact? If Lee wanted a hug, he could get one himself.

He slid across the space between them and lay his arm across Tony’s stomach. Tony jumped as though he hadn’t been expecting it. He curled his hand around Lee’s arm but didn’t do anything else.

“Hey,” Lee said, nosing at the top of Tony’s head. “We don’t have to hug, if you don’t want?” 

Tony lay stiff in Lee’s arms for a moment more, then he sighed and relaxed all at once. “I’m glad your interview went well,” he said, which was pretty random and not at all what Lee had been expecting.

“Thanks?” Lee said. “Me too. I was fucking terrified.”

“I know,” Tony said. He pressed closer, the muscles of his thighs and chest and arms all strong and solid and really good. “You did well. We all watched it together.”

“Yeah, Amy said the same thing,” Lee said. “Is that code for something?”

Tony sighed, warm breath cooling on Lee’s sweaty chest. “I know we didn’t talk about this beforehand,” he said, “so I know I’m being a dick, but it was kind of shitty to hear you say you weren’t seeing anyone special.”

Lee opened his mouth then closed it again. “Oh,” he said quietly.

“It’s fine!” Tony said quickly. “Like I said, I know I’m being a dick.”

“Hey, hey, no,” said Lee. He nuzzled in close and kissed Tony slowly. “I don’t think that’s being a dick. It would… I wouldn’t…” He fumbled around desperately for words. “I wouldn’t like it if you said you weren’t dating anyone special. I mean, I really wouldn’t like it. So.”

“So?” Tony asked in a small voice. Lee hated it when Tony sounded uncertain. It wasn’t right on him at all.

“I don’t know,” Lee said helplessly. “I’m sorry?” There wasn’t much else he could say. He couldn’t promise to fix it because that might sound like he was promising to come out and he… wasn’t. Wasn’t that. No.

Tony sighed into Lee’s neck. “It’s cool,” he said. “Ignore me.” He coughed. “Or, um, I don’t know. You could tell me that I am special or something? Maybe? If you felt like it.”

Lee rolled them over immediately so that he could pin Tony down onto the bed and stare him down. “You’re so fucking special,” he said. He knew it was too sincere but Tony had _asked_ him to be sincere.

Tony met his eyes for a long moment then blushed and looked away. “Well, duh,” he said. “I’m a wizard. That’s special.”

“No,” Lee said. “I mean, yes, obviously. But.” He kissed Tony again, softer this time. “You’re special to me. You know that, right?”

Tony wouldn’t look at him, but he nodded slowly. “I, yeah,” he said and finally smiled. “You too.”

“Well, duh,” Lee echoed and pressed his forehead against Tony’s, overwhelmingly relieved that Tony seemed okay again.

***

“What do you think?” Mason asked, leaning in close to Lee so he could murmur in Lee’s ear.

Lee knew a lot of people who’d give their right arm for up close and personal contact from Mason Reed, but he wasn’t one of them. He was fond of Mason, very fond, but he wasn’t fond of the pervasive smell of cigarette smoke that always clung to him.

“About what?” Lee asked, stepping away to grab a coffee from the craft service table behind them and then coming back a little bit less close than he’d been before.

“Her, obviously,” Mason said under his breath. He nodded across the courtyard to where Rosalie, this episode’s victim of the week, was eating a doughnut and chatting with Tanya, who was playing the Big Bad.

“She’s great,” Lee said, “very talented.” _Surprisingly talented_ , he didn’t say. Theirs wasn’t really a show that was known for the talent of its extras.

Mason rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes,” he said. “She’ll go far. But do you think that she’d be willing to go there via my dressing room.”

Ah. Right. Lee really should have seen that coming. “Totally no harm in asking,” he said, and he knew that Mason would _ask_. For all that he liked to flirt with every girl who came within a mile, the younger and blonder the better, he was pretty good at not making any of them feel pressured.

Mason flashed him a smile, made extra alarming by the fangs he was still wearing. “What about you?” he asked. “The redhead has been checking you out all morning.”

Lee laughed and drank more coffee. “She’s just being friendly,” he said. He was also pretty sure that she was gay. His gaydar was criminally underused, but occasionally it flared to life.

“Mm,” Mason purred. “I’d like to be _friendly_ with her. Have you seen those curves?”

“I thought you liked Rosalie,” Lee said, as though he hadn’t had a conversation just like this with Mason most days for the past three years. 

“Eh,” Mason said and shrugged. His smile turned wicked. “Who says I have to pick?”

Lee had one - very brief - flash of understanding why some people might be attracted to him. It was a terrible moment and he gulped coffee to try to dispel it.

“Seriously,” Mason said, looking concerned. Well. As concerned as Mason ever looked about things that weren’t directly related to himself. “Bit of a dry spell?”

Lee choked on his coffee. “No!” he coughed. “No, no, I’m fine.”

Mason nodded sagely. “Happens to the best of us,” he said, ignoring Lee. “Well, not to me obviously, but, you know. If you want I can help you out? If you don’t like the redhead, I’m prepared to give you first dibs on the blonde.”

“That’s… kind of you,” Lee managed. “But I swear, I’m good.”

 _Just say that you’re seeing someone,_ Lee told himself. _Just say the words._

Mason just carried on looking at him. “Hm,” he said.

For a brief, crazy moment, Lee was seized by the idea that he could tell Mason the truth. He could say, _I’m dating Tony._

Mason would probably take it well. They worked in television; they knew a lot of queer people and Mason had never been awkward around them. The sky wouldn’t fall in, the walls of the studio wouldn’t crumble, and Mason wouldn’t stop being his weird friend.

But Lee couldn’t make himself say it.

If he said it then it would be out there, Mason would always know, there’d be no option to take it back, if Mason didn’t react the way Lee wanted him to.

Lee’s chest went tight and he felt embarrassed and angry and ashamed, but mostly he felt really panicky.

“Thanks,” he heard himself say to Mason, who was still waiting. “Yeah. Maybe some other time.”

***

“Are you going to?” Tony asked, eyes glued on the television rather than on Lee.

Lee had been halfway through telling Tony about Mason’s offer. He’d had a couple of hours to stop feeling so weird about it, but he’d still wanted to talk about it. He’d hoped that maybe if he told Tony about it, the last bits of shame would melt away.

“What?” Lee asked, frowning. He’d been telling it as a funny story. At least, he thought he had. He knew Tony saw through him easier than most people, but he hoped he wasn’t that transparent.

Tony shrugged. He still hadn’t looked away from Ice Road Truckers, as though it was the most fascinating piece of television he’d ever seen.

“S’what people do, isn’t it?” he asked. “Have a guy at home in private and a girl on their arm in public?”

“Ew!” Lee said. “No. I mean, I don’t know, maybe some guys do that - ” Some guys _definitely_ did that “ - but I’d never. No. That’s gross.”

Tony shifted slightly. Lee was pretty sure Tony could see him out of the corner of his eye now. “Yeah?” he asked, faux-casually.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Lee said. “I wouldn’t.” He leant forward so Tony had to look at him. “I wouldn’t do that to you or to whatever girl it was. Tony? You believe me, right?”

Tony hesitated for a moment more then sighed and melted into Lee’s side. “Yeah, yeah, I believe you,” he said. “You’re too much of a gentleman to do that to some poor girl.”

Lee wrapped his arm around him. “Or,” he said. “I like you too much to want to do that to you?”

“Hm,” Tony said, going back to not looking at him. “I just said you could.”

Maybe at the very beginning of their relationship that might have washed, but Lee was getting much bolder when it came to how this thing between them worked. “Um, no,” he said. “You asked if I was going to in your sad, martyred Tony voice.”

Tony barked a startled laugh. “My _what_?” he asked, turning in the circle of Lee’s arms to look at Lee incredulously.

“You heard,” Lee said, refusing to blush. “The voice you use when you think I’m going to disappoint you or leave you or whatever.”

“I don’t have that voice,” Tony said, narrowing his eyes.

Lee narrowed his right back. “You do,” he said. He kissed Tony, but only quickly, just in case Tony decided to bite him. “But lucky for you, it just makes me want to kiss you.”

“Oh, thank god,” Tony said fervently. “I thought we were about to talk about our feelings.”

They should. Lee knew they should. But, “No way,” Lee said, because Tony’s relieved smile was worth everything.

“Thank god,” Tony said again, then stuck his tongue in Lee’s mouth.

***

If Lee was being perfectly honest, he was not fully paying attention at work today. In his defence, no one else was either.

They were coming up on the mid-season hiatus, filming on location today, and there was a definite end of semester sense of silliness coming from most everyone.

When the main uplighter broke for the third time that day, and Leah grabbed Zev’s hand and dragged him out of his makeshift sound booth (slash tent) for a waltz, it didn’t even feel out of place.

“Everyone’s gone insane,” Tony said, leaning back against the brick wall Lee was perched on and pushing his headset down around his neck.

Lee was seized with an overwhelming need to pull Tony down onto his lap, but he just about managed not to.

“It’s not some kind of spell, right?” he asked, letting himself lean slightly to the side so that his head was just brushing against Tony’s arm.

“Nah, I don’t think so,” Tony said, smiling down at him. “Just people.”

“Shame,” Lee said, letting himself look Tony up and down slowly. No one was looking at them, everyone was focused on the dancing, which had now acquired Amy and Kate and Mouse. “If we had an excuse, I could ask you to dance with me.”

Tony laughed, his eyes lighting up. “Can you dance?” he asked.

“Eh, kind of,” said Lee. “Enough to not fall down. Can you?”

“Know what?” Tony asked. “I actually can.” He grinned, bumping his hand against Lee’s shoulder. “You weren’t expecting that, were you?”

“I wasn’t,” Lee said. He stood up and crowded Tony a little bit, not a lot, just enough to calm some of the itch under his skin. Being near Tony and not being able to touch him was rapidly becoming torture. “When did you learn?”

Tony looked up at him, fingers skittering toward Lee’s hip before he let his hand drop. “If I say that Henry taught me, will it make you stop smiling at me like that?”

 _Like what?_ Lee wanted to ask, but they were already flirting too much for work. “Nope,” he said, shrugging. “I’m not threatened by Henry Fitzroy: hot, rich romance writer.”

Tony laughed helplessly, patting Lee on the shoulder. “There, there,” he said. “It’s okay. Hot, rich actor is pretty good, too.”

Lee laughed then groaned. “I want to kiss you,” he whispered. “Can you make us invisible for a bit?”

Tony’s eyes danced. “You know I can,” he said. “But I think it’d be pretty suspicious.”

“Ugh,” Lee said. He tugged on the wire that linked Tony’s headset to his belt. “Stop being so sensible.”

Tony’s eyes flicked past Lee and he straightened up. “Looks like we’re getting back to work,” he said. “So stop flirting with me and start flirting with your squeeze of the week, Mr Actor.”

“Her name’s Matilda,” Lee said, trying not to feel disappointed. The sooner they were done with today, the sooner he really could kiss Tony and maybe never stop. 

"Tony!" Adam's voice barked across the square as the rest of the cast and crew started to quiet down. "Back to work; I need you."

Tony rolled his eyes but where only Lee could see. "I guess it's nice to be needed," he said doubtfully. "See you later."

"See you," Lee echoed.

The next scene was Mason only, which was Mason's favourite type of scene.

Lee swung his legs and ran through his upcoming lines in his head. They mostly involved _Don't worry, Raymond will save us_ , so it didn't take long.

He didn't realise that he'd zoned out, until someone cleared their throat beside him.

It was Adam, again.

"Oh, hey," said Lee. "Sorry, do you need me?"

"Not yet," Adam said. There was a weird expression on his face. "Just. Wanted a chat."

"Okay," Lee said, smiling at him. He worked hard to make himself seem approachable, so he didn't want to scare Adam off by looking confused. He was confused though. "Want to sit down?"

"No, thanks," Adam said. Then, "Fuck it, why not?"

He perched on the wall, looking supremely awkward.

"Look," Lee said, taking pity on him. “I know I fucked up that last scene. If you want me to reshoot, I'm cool with it."

"Ha, I wish it were that," said Adam. "Nah, you're good. Mason fucked it way more than you did, so we'll probably end up just cutting it." He turned all the way to face Lee. "Okay, look, this is super awkward but. Well. Tony."

Lee's heart jumped into his throat. "What about him?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

Adam looked as though he'd rather be picking bagels out of Mason's fangs than having this conversation.

"You know he's totally into you, right?"

Lee's panicked brain ran through a thousand different answers. Would he know that, if he weren't also into Tony? He decided that he would.

"Yeah," he said cautiously.

Adam looked relieved. Like he'd thought Lee might flip out. Lee really hoped that wasn't the impression he gave off.

"Okay, okay, cool," Adam said. He squeezed his hands together, a very uncharacteristically nervous move. "It's just that I was watching you two a minute ago and, like." He cleared his throat. "Don't lead him on, yeah?"

Lee coughed on nothing, choking on air. "What?" he managed.

Adam looked better now he'd delivered his message. "I know it's flattering when someone's that obviously into you, but he's a good kid, so maybe dial back the flirting a bit. I don't want to see him get hurt."

 _I wouldn't_ , Lee thought. _I'd never hurt him. I think I love him_. He swallowed all that back and nodded. "Noted," he managed.

Adam patted him on the shoulder and stood up. "Good man. Now, you ready for your next scene?"

Lee didn't feel like he'd ever be ready for anything again. "Yeah," he said. "Just give me a minute."

***

“Adam said what?” Tony demanded, his fork stopped halfway to his mouth and little bits of sticky rice falling onto his lap in chunks.

"Yep," said Lee. "Word for word, that." He nudged Tony across the sofa. "Sorry if I've been leading you on."

"Oh, yeah," Tony laughed. "I feel very unfulfilled. Huh, though. I thought Adam hated me."

"Apparently not," said Lee. Rather than _no, you didn't_.

"I guess we should tone things down a bit at work?" Tony said. He stirred his rice and didn't look at Lee.

"Yeah," Lee said, feeling heavy. "That'd be good, thanks."

"Don't mention it," Tony said and became immediately very interested in his dinner.

***

Tony seemed distracted the next day.

Lee wasn't taking it personally because he seemed distracted from _everyone_ , not just Lee, but Lee did miss the little glances and smiles that he usually got throughout the day.

“Hey,” he said, during a break. “Want me to grab you a coffee?”

Sometimes Tony looked spacey and lost when in actual fact he was only under caffeinated.

Tony blinked once, twice, before he focused on Lee. “Hm?” he asked. “What? No. Thanks. I think I’m jittery enough today.” He laughed, but it sounded very forced.

“Everything okay?” Lee asked. He lowered his voice automatically, even though this part wasn’t a secret from anyone here. “Is something wizardy going on?”

Tony seemed to have drifted away again. “No,” he said. “Nah. We’re all good on that front, just.” He jumped and lifted his headset to rub his left ear. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” asked Lee, who hadn’t heard much beyond Mason complaining to Peter about not being allowed to each pastries with his fangs in.

“Eh, nothing, never mind,” said Tony. He rubbed his ear again. “I think my earphones are fucked. I’m gonna get that fixed.”

He patted Lee absentmindedly on the arm then melted away.

By the time they finished for the day, Lee had gone from mildly concerned to actively worried. Tony was lost in his own little world and made actual sparks fly when Adam reached out and grabbed his arm to get his attention.

“Woah, dude,” Adam said, stepping back and rubbing his hand, which was tinted slightly blue from whatever spell Tony had just hit it with. “ _Dude_.”

Tony just stared at him, eyes wide. “Sorry,” he said, but it sounded automatic, not the kind of frantic apology that Tony would have given, if he’d accidentally hit a bystander with uncontrolled magic.

“You think maybe you should go home early?” Adam asked, in a tone that strongly implied _he_ thought Tony should.

Tony never went home early. Tony came to work no matter what part of him was exhausted or sprained or broken.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Tony said and turned away from Adam without another word.

Lee caught up with Tony in the main office, before Tony could leave. “Hey,” he said, making sure that Tony knew Lee was going to touch his arm before he did it. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it?”

Tony opened his mouth then froze, expression going from confused to slowly dawning misery.

“No,” he said in a small voice. “I’m just tired, so I’m going to go home to sleep and everything will be okay tomorrow.” He gave Lee a smile that made Lee’s spine shiver, but not in a good way. “Good night.”

They hadn’t spent a night apart in over a week and not once before that without acknowledging it first.

“Good night,” Lee said blankly.

Across the room, Amy raised her eyebrows at Lee. Lee raised his right back at her; he didn’t know either.

***

When Lee’s phone rang at eight the next morning, it was honestly a relief.

It didn’t matter that it was his day off, all that mattered was that Amy’s barked, “Get down here now!” meant that Lee was about to get some answers.

He broke several laws of physics and one or two of Vancouver to get to the studio, surprised to find how deserted it was.

“What is it?” Lee asked Zev, the only person who was waiting for him outside. Lee’s bike maybe hadn’t come all the way to a stop before Lee jumped off it, but Zev didn’t look alarmed.

Zev threw up his arms. “Who even knows?” he said, before turning on his heel and dragging Lee into the building.

Lee hadn’t known that they were at a dragging and a grabbing level of friendship, but he didn’t care.

Everyone turned out to be scattered around the sound stage, standing in a haphazard ring around Tony, who was on his knees in the middle of the floor.

Lee started forward automatically, but Zev held him firm.

“He was like this when we arrived,” Zev said quickly. “Anyone who tries to go near him gets zapped.”

“He won’t zap me,” said Lee, not really sure where that confidence was coming from but knowing it was true.

Zev arched an eyebrow. “Interesting,” he said. “He zapped me. And Amy.”

Everything that popped into Lee’s head was uncharitable and, in Zev’s case, probably not even true. 

“Fuck,” Lee said, instead.

“Yep,” Zev said. “Also, I’m pretty sure he’s hearing voices.”

He crept closer and Lee couldn’t do anything but follow. At first, Lee had thought the loose ring of people around Tony were trying to stop him getting out, but the closer he got, he realised that it was the other way around. They were protecting him.

“He doesn’t need anyone else gawking,” Peter said, putting his hand up to stop Lee getting any closer. He didn’t say it unkindly, just dismissively as though he didn’t know why Lee _needed_ to be as close as possible.

It was all Lee could do not to shove Peter’s hand away.

“I’ve got to,” Lee said, in a voice he didn’t recognise.

“Let him through,” Amy’s voice called from the centre of the group, which was when Lee realised she was kneeling in front of Tony, close but not close enough to get zapped.

Gratefully, Lee slipped past Peter and folded down beside her.

“Tony?” he asked softly.

Tony’s eyes were screwed up tight, his lips moving soundlessly. He was clutching his own forearms so tightly that little half moons of blood had welled up under his fingertips.

“Tony,” Lee said again.

“It’s not, it’s not,” Tony said, fast and frantic, “it’s not true, it’s not, you don’t, just, just fuck off, it’s not true, it’s not, it’s not, it’s…”

“What’s not?” Lee asked as Tony babbled on.

Tony didn’t answer. 

Amy shook her head. “He’s been saying that a lot,” she said. 

Lee’s heart felt like it was starting to break. Tony looked so scared and so alone. “Hey,” Lee said and held out his hand.

“Don’t,” Zev whispered, but Lee ignored him.

“Hey, Tony,” Lee said. “If you say it’s not true then it’s not. Okay? Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”

A laugh spilled from Tony’s lips, bitter and fragmented. “Just shut up,” he said. “He’s _not_. He wouldn’t. _Lee_.”

Lee’s heart stopped breaking and jumped into his throat, instead. “Here,” he said. “Baby, I’m here.”

He’d never used an endearment on Tony before, but it didn’t matter, it just felt right. Everyone would definitely have heard him, but that didn’t matter either.

He closed his hand around Tony’s wrist and waited for Tony’s magic to send him flying across the room. 

That didn’t happen.

What did happen was that Lee’s mind was suddenly full of voices. Or, not voices, one voice, speaking over itself, high and low, sharp and kind all at once.

 _They don’t care about you,_ it was saying. _You’re nothing to them. You’re nothing to anyone. You’re an addict and a whore, no good for anything but what you can be used for._

Lee sucked in a breath. That wasn’t aimed at him. That was…

“Tony,” he said, speaking loud in the hope that Tony could hear him over _that_. “That’s bullshit. Come on, you know that.”

“I _know,_ ” Tony said wretchedly, though whether it was aimed at Lee or at the voice, Lee couldn’t tell.

He pulled on Tony’s wrist, trying to get Tony to him, feeling as if he could protect him if only they were closer, but Tony seemed rooted to the floor.

 _Little wizard_ , the voice purred. _You think you’ve come so far, but what really have you gained? A job where they treat you as a servant, an apartment that is barely standing, a lover who won’t acknowledge you._

If Tony couldn’t come to Lee then Lee would just have to come to him. He rolled up onto his knees and wrapped his arms around Tony.

This close, touching this much, all the vile things the voice was saying were pretty much unbearable. Lee thought he’d go mad after another five minutes. If Tony had had this in his head since yesterday then no wonder he’d been acting so weirdly.

“Shh,” Lee said, stroking Tony’s back. “Shh. Don’t listen to that crap. Everyone here thinks you’re great.”

He lifted his head, trying to see who was closest. He couldn’t seem to focus his eyes, but that didn’t matter. He stared as hard as he could at whoever he was looking at, said, “ _Don’t_ they?”

“Yeah, sure,” Mouse said, sounding startled. “Tony’s rad.”

“See,” Lee said into the side of Tony’s head. “You’re rad.”

“What’s going on?” Amy hissed. “Is he having a breakdown? Are you? Is it a shared breakdown?”

“There’s some kind of voice,” Lee said. Tony shuddered in his arms, so Lee held him tighter. “Help?”

“Describe it,” Amy ordered, so Lee did his best to.

The voice didn’t like that, but it didn’t seem able to get to Lee, only to Tony. Which, honestly, was worse than if it had gotten to Lee.

_Do you think he’s trying to save you? Your handsome lover. Hero, isn’t he? Very brave. Shame he doesn’t love you enough to acknowledge you._

“I do,” Lee said. He pulled back, making himself ignore the heart wrenching noise that Tony made at that.

Lee put his hands on Tony’s face, tipped it up towards him despite Tony’s still-closed eyes. “I do love you enough to acknowledge you,” he said.

There were sounds around him, murmurs of voices. Lee had to ignore them.

Tony’s eyes flickered. “You do?” he asked and that was definitely aimed at Lee, not at any voice in their heads.

“I do,” Lee promised. He stroked his thumbs across Tony’s cheekbones, which were flushed and damp. “I love you more than anything. I _love_ you.”

Tony’s eyes flickered open. “Lee,” he said, pupils shifting as he finally focused on Lee. It felt like Lee had been waiting for that, as though he hadn’t been able to take a full breath in without Tony looking at him.

“Welcome back,” Lee said and kissed him.

“Holy shit,” muttered someone who sounded like Adam.

 _Fool!_ The voice was abruptly much louder, definitely in Lee’s head now, not just an echo from Tony’s. Lee ignored it and kept ignoring it while he kept on kissing Tony, over and over, Tony’s hands finally lifting and gripping Lee’s shirt, pulling him close, kissing him back.

_You’re going to lose everything: your job, your family, your life, for what? For this little -_

“Oh my god, will you shut up?” Lee snapped out loud.

“It’s not true,” Tony mumbled into Lee’s mouth.

“I know,” Lee kissed back. “Yours isn’t either.”

“Ugh,” Tony said, but whatever else he was about to say was interrupted by a hand shoving between them and then a loud, decisive _crack_.

Lee’s mind went silent so quickly, it was almost deafening. His gasp was echoed by Tony, who slumped into Lee’s chest, shaking.

“What was that?” Lee asked, tucking Tony’s head under his chin, keeping him safe, before he looked up.

Amy was holding a hammer in one hand and Tony’s radio in the other. She’d cracked it in two and alarmingly thick black tendrils of smoke were rising out of it.

“ _Voices_ ,” Amy said. “You heard voices and you didn’t think to take your radio off?”

“I…” Tony said, burrowing into Lee’s chest for a second. Then he sighed, frowned and sat up. “You try having some asshole yelling shit in your brain,” he told Amy. “It makes logic hard.”

“What’s every other man’s excuse?” Amy asked, but she was smiling, tension relaxing from around her eyes.

Lee knew how she felt. Hearing Tony sound like Tony was easing a lot of the panic in his chest. Then he remembered what he’d said and what he’d done and felt it all come rushing back.

“Um,” he said, looking up and around. 

Some people had drifted off, some were talking to each other, but some - Adam and Peter and Mason especially - were looking at him like he’d dragged a rug out from under their feet.

“Um,” Lee repeated.

It was Mason who broke the silence. “You could have just _said_ ,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Think of all the girls I’ve kindly missed out on, just to give you a chance with them.”

Lee laughed, helplessly relieved, and decided that explaining liking boys _and_ girls might be too much for Mason for now. “Sorry,” he said.

Down between them, Tony found Lee’s hand and squeezed it.

“Yeah, seriously,” Adam said. “Just say next time.” He reached down and ruffled Tony’s hair. “Every fucking thing works out for you, doesn’t it, kid?”

“I don’t know about that,” Tony said, but he was looking worriedly at Peter, who was frowning. “But this has and there’s nothing wrong with it.”

Peter looked hard at him and then at Lee. “Don’t break up and fuck up my show,” he said.

Lee found himself squeezing Tony’s hand harder. “Not planning on it,” he said. He looked at Tony. “Not ever.”

Tony looked down and bit his lip, but he was finally smiling.

***

“Do you want me to come out?” Lee asked into the darkness much later that evening.

“Hm?” Tony asked, shifting sleepily against him before tucking his face back into Lee’s neck. He’d dragged Lee to bed as soon as they got home then fallen asleep immediately. 

Apparently having a unidentified demon-type-thing in your head was a bit tiring.

“Do you, Tony Foster, want me, Lee Nicholas, to come out?” Lee asked. He thought that maybe making a big deal of it might make it feel like a smaller dealer. Like… some law of physics that he vaguely remembered from school.

“I thought you just did,” Tony said. He yawned again. 

“Excuse me, can you stay awake, please?” Lee sniffed. He tightened his arm around Tony so that Tony would know that Lee wasn’t actually annoyed. Whether Tony would telepathically intuit that Lee was really nervous about the answer was another question.

“Yep, yes, sorry,” Tony said, then yawned again. “I mean, maybe? I’ll try, at least.”

Lee kissed the top of his head. “I guess what I mean is do you want me to come out more widely?” he asked. “Like, I could go back on the TV and come out to the world, if you want.”

Right now that actually sounded possible. Right now fucking up his career sounded completely insignificant, if it meant Tony never doubting that he was loved ever again.

“No,” Tony said, after a pause. “No, I don’t need you to do that.” He laughed, which felt nice against Lee’s skin, even if it was shaky. “I really do get that coming out is scary; I promise. I didn’t, you know, I didn’t like, summon a Bad Thoughts demon just to force you into coming out.”

“I know that,” Lee promised. “I really do.”

Tony ran his fingertip over Lee’s lips, laughing when Lee nipped at it. “I don’t want you to come out until you’re ready. I had to come out way before I was ready and that sucked, so I can be patient, as long as I don’t, you know, feel like your dirty little secret.”

“Never!” said Lee. “You’re my very clean, um… Okay, so I can’t think of a decent antonym, but I’m in this and I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that to you.”

Tony pushed himself up a bit and looked down at Lee. His expression was very fond, might even have been more than fond.

“You’re in this, huh?” he asked, eyes glowing.

“I am,” Lee said. “Very, very in.” He stopped, realising the hole he’d just talked himself into. “Don’t make a joke about being in you; I’m trying to be serious.”

Tony leaned down and kissed him. “Don’t be serious,” he said. “Be seduced.”

Lee reached down and cupped Tony’s narrow hips. “Haven’t you worked out I’m already seduced? Pretty much permanently?”

Tony smiled and kissed him again. “You kissed me in front of everyone,” he said, sounding a bit dazed. “In front of _Peter_.”

“I did,” Lee said. He thought he was doing a pretty good job of sounding calm about that, but Tony's next kiss was very gentle. “It wasn’t quite as scary as I was expecting.”

“Yeah?” asked Tony. “Was that because you were distracted by the creepy voice and your freaked out boy… um. Your. Me?”

Lee looped his arms around Tony’s waist. “You’d better be my boyfriend, dude,” he said. “I’m not having people saying I’m queer _and_ bad at commitment.”

“We could say it’s me who doesn’t want to commit,” Tony said, biting his lip.

Lee frowned. “Do you not want to be my boyfriend?” he asked. Shamefully, he had sort of assumed.

The noise Tony made was reassuringly incredulous. “Duh,” he said. “I was giving you an out, in case you don’t want to be mine.”

There was nothing for it, Lee had to roll them over. He pinned Tony to the bed, Tony’s legs splayed invitingly around Lee’s thighs.

“I do,” said Lee. He rolled his hips, which got his point across, even though they were both mostly dressed and very sleepy. “I do want that.” He took a deep breath and told himself it was ridiculous to be nervous when he’d already said this in front of many more people. “I’m in love with you and stuff.”

“And stuff?” Tony asked, his whole face lighting up with delight. “I’ve always wanted a boy to say _and stuff_ to me.”

“Oh, shut up,” Lee laughed, not caring how fond the words came out.

“You shut up,” said Tony. He made a face at himself then said. “Lee?”

“Mmhmm?” asked Lee. Tony was moving against him and maybe neither of them was as sleepy as Lee had thought.

“Love you too,” Tony said in a rush. “Now shut up and make yourself useful.”

“Yeah, okay,” Lee said and kissed Tony backwards into the pillows.

/End


End file.
